This is some doodling I did for a recent idea. It may or may not come to anything, but at any rate there’s still these guys.
Mercury – Most Improved
Mercury is the filthiest and most lawless chunk of rock in the Solar System. Known as the "Really Really Final Frontier", there’s very little there to attract any visitors, aside from unclaimed and poor quality land.
Venus – Best Vacation Spot
They say Venus was the Goddess of Beauty, and boy does it show. Most come to Venus for the babes and the gambling, but for those who aren’t so easily entertained, Venus also has gorgeous scenery and great beaches under the cloudy emerald skies.
Earth – Best TimeTours (TM)
While admittedly Earth has done a terrible job of taking care of itself (even after recent conservation efforts made with the invention of Time Travel), most tourists agree: Earth has had some kickass moments. Thanks to TimeTours (TM), the Earth has remained a thriving planet, and can still afford to sponsor the Time Police.
Mars – At Least You Can Get Out Quickly
Visitors to Mars will all agree. Despite the hype, Mars is a massive, dusty red disappointment. The only thing of note on the planet is their incredibly efficient gas stations.
Jupiter – Smells Like Jockstrap
The inhabitants of Jupiter are a boisterous and strong people, consuming absurd quantities of beer and protein shakes, and the mandatory gym sessions and military service means that they are quite the muscular individuals. Also the fact that their planetary bird is the football tells quite a bit about their intellect.
Saturn – Made on Saturn
It’s unknown who exactly built the Saturnoids, but they must have done a great job, as the mysterious androids have turned their home world into a thriving center of trade and industry while simultaneously maintaining its beautiful appearance. Whatever it is, odds are it was made on Saturn.
Uranus – "IT’S NOT THAT FUNNY."
While they certainly have a nice planet, Uranusites are an incredibly irate and impatient people. Visitors are greeted with a huge billboard on which is simply written "WE’VE HEARD IT", a reminder of the fact that Uranus is the most unfortunately named planet ever. They have made over 300 attempts to change the planet’s name, but all attempts were met with immediate veto from the council (And they swear that they heard snickering in the background, Mister Respected Ambassador from Mercury).
Neptune – Best Aquatic Recreation
The big blue planet near the edge of the Solar System is famous for exactly what one would expect. Neptunian oceans make for the greatest deep sea diving, recreational sailing and submarining, and fishing in the solar system. Also, the air is incredibly fresh, making it a great place for recovering from various breathing-related illnesses.
Pluto – Damn It’s Cold
Pluto, while being incredibly small and unbelievably cold, is still quite a popular spot both for its great snowboarding and skiing slopes and the numerous rich diamond deposits scattered about beneath its surface. Just as a note though: Plutonians strongly resent being compared to teddy bears.